Monday, August 8, 2011

Im a young 17 girl and i want to move out away from my parents, Where can i go?

Just Yesterday My Dad beat me up front of my lilttle brother (he 15) and my mother. She started saying " Es male" Meaning she bad. With a belt across my *** Like more than 10 timesx, I had dress on and i think he was trying to hit me with my underwear only. THE THING IS THAT I feel so violated that he saw my *** MY OWN FATHER.! All i remember i was in floor cause the way he was hitting me with the belt made me go drop the floor. He grab my hair and through me in the floor and through this sandal when i was walking away from him. All i see my mom smile to see how i was gething beat. It hurts cuase i hate her even MORE.! I cant trust anyone in this house. I feel Like running away. Is very traumatizing to be telling this to people so i guess to write it out in stand of saying it. I use to be daddy little girl. But now I hate him as a man. I feel like so less. He was also mad at me cause i got my belly pierce and i didnt tell him and my mom. The reason why i didn't cause i know he wouldn't want me to either my mom. My friend and I got it done in Brooklyn we travel their without our parents knowing. I live in Staten island and traveling is easy, I know hoe to get around now but still he would kill me knowing if i went to bk myself with friends. He thinks Im doing **** like messing around with girls and boys. Theirs a reason why he thinks that cause some other thing eles happened. I Had feeling for this girl " ex gf" she betrayed me , Turns out when i had fought this other girl she was friends with her basically thats why i fought. She was around my fiht and try hitting me everything was a mess. It was record too Post on fb and then deleted. I felt like ****. And so i try opening up with my dad that day and told him i feel betrayed and i had feelings for her. My first ever girlfriend . But our relationship wasn't SEXUAL.! AT ALL.! As my dad think's i did **** like that. I just fell in love with this girl i thought that understood me. I Just can't tell my dad things no more. He trys talking to me cause sometimes he feels bad when my mom starts saying hurtful things cause i dont help around or pick up the dishes when their clean!? ( before going out i have to do at least LAUNDRY ) Even my friends notice when i cant go out is cause i didn't clean the way my mom wanted to or maybe cause by accident i forgot to do something. Basically she starts with me with the smallest things.! I Have other problems also going around my family. My mom doesn't ove my dad and my dad trying to win her back but only me myself and i know that she loves someone eles. Yes we all live together in the same house but i hate when my mom gets mad me or my dad' She regrets having me or" she cant wait to move out cus she cant cus of money ' she work for 3 days in a bar at mid night' Is just really bad. My family mexican. And i just cant take anymore. I want to move out. And Sometimes l do admit when all these things happened. i ask myself why am i here? why god haven't taken me away if i only bring problems. Im so depressed and i use to cut my self and all i wish at times to kill myself. is not like my mom ever once told me to do it already. So she doesn't have to deal with me. some way growing up im always the bad child that doesn't follow their ways. i Believe different things I have my option of things. I feel they will never understand me we speak different language. I understand myself mostly English. they speak Spanish only. Just me and them are in different world. They was raise in mexico so very different both of them had difficult life.they tell me i have better life why do i act like that i should be great full i have parents but i just i feel more and more empty , I show no emotion anymore to my mom i can't even say " i love you mom and dad' so so hard so hard to say.. I just wanna move out . What should i do?

No comments:

Post a Comment